Hula hoops Mascot to Bueracracy

So I get paid through grants. Either through the department I'm in or my mentors research grants or is the case now and NIH training grant. No to get a training grant is really an honor. I had to do interview and get letters of recommendation ect. What this means is, is that while I get paid the same the money comes from somewhere else. Additionally my Mentor doesn't have for the bill for pay me and we have more money to do fun stuff and by cool equipment.

While there is a small army of very competent secretaries sorting out the rubrics cube that is academic research funding, the government is involved and so therefore complecated. To make matters worse the taxability of each funding source differs and the title of my position for which I am being paid differs.

Let me attempt to explain the circus that surrounds my paycheck. I entered graduate school in a feeder program called CMB. That money is not state or local taxable, but is federally taxable. However the University will not withhold any money for taxes. In Aug. I became an member of my degree granting department (Microbiology). Money from them which is paid by my mentor is fully taxable except FICA, and they do withholdings. But late Aug. I get a training grant, yah. Money from them is like the CMB program. But they didn't get the paperwork in fast enough and they paid me for Aug. out of the Micro. dept. which one would think would be fine but. They money from the training grant is extra. Grant money if not spent soon enough goes away. They needed to get me started by Aug. or the money to pay goes back to Uncle Sam. In the middle of this my tuition and health insurance which is paid by the same source as my stipend what ever it be at the time didn't get paid and I got a late fee. Now I go in and they pay the tuition but not the insurance. I was told to pay the insurance and they'd pay me extra. But at the time they thought the Micro. Dept. was paying for Aug. so then they realize they have to post date my apointment into the training grant (or the money goes away) So now they are going to pay my insurance and the university will give me a check. But I also need to pay them for my Aug. stipend (which was from the micro. dept.) (yes they are paying me and then I'm paying them) and then they'll pay me for Aug and Sept. from the training grant.

Makes perfect sense, right?

Gordo the "little pitty

So I'm getting ready for bed, and while I'm waiting for my wife I'm checking my toe nails to see if they need a trim. During the inspection my wife with fresh mint breath declares, " That is the Fattest pinky toe I've even seen!" I was a bit shocked, first this was not her first view of my feet. Next I don't think that my toe is even big boned. But according to my wife the littlest pitty that goes wee wee wee all the way home needs to spend some more time in the gym. Frankly the insensitive way that she said it worries me that my poor dimmunitive digit will develope self esteem problems and maybe even an eating disorder. Then I'm sure my wife will laugh when I fall over because my outermost support is to weak from only eating iceburg lettus to hold me up.

What is the difference between a duck?

In the first ever what's the difference between a duck survey, the winner is . . . drum role please. . . okay I'll skip the drum role due to budget constraints. . . "Hydrophobic fishsticks!" "You lied to me!?!" came in a close second. I'd like to thank all of the contributing silliness, inside jokes, and comic anecdotes.

The winner will be signing autographs after the award ceremony. My understanding is, there will be an after party, but I've apparently not been invited.

Are you a doctor, a doctor or both?

As a graduate student in the biological sciences on a campus with a medical school, I live near the collision of two very different worlds. Every day I am surrounded by Doctors of Medicine and Doctors with a Ph.D. and even, for the highly motivated multitaskers, people with both. Now there are some great research scientist with M.D. but many M.D. in research just dabble in my world. Luckily for patients I do not ever dabble in clinical work(mostly for those pesky legal things called laws that and respect for human life). Certain attitudes differ between there two circles. For example medical students and residents are expected to accrue large amounts of debt and temporarily abandon their families to pursue their education. Graduate students are paid a livable (though not luxurious) stipend and our schedule is dictated by our infrequent class, how long a given experiment is, deadlines for abstracts, but mostly how late we can show up and still find a place to park.

No where are attitudes more divergent than concerning the indispensable lab coat. For my clinically inclined counterparts a lab coat is a badge of honor and respect. There are even meanings placed on coat length. They are worn to distinguish themselves from the non M.D. masses. During lunch the local eats are filled with white coats enjoying a high trans fat meal. In lab a lab coat mean something entirely different. It is an apron for science nerds. It's sole function is to keep crap off me and my clothing. Traces of mouse feces, blood and urine, various carcinogens, caustic chemicals, and possibly, if I've been sloppy, some low level radioactive tritium could be found on my coat. I have a long coat because it keeps the above list from finding it's way onto my pants while I'm sitting. So when I see doctors in there bright white unstained coat eating together, I think, "I could where my coat feel important too", but it's about the last thing I'd want to wear while eating (carcinogens and mouse poo give me gas).